Heartbreak to Home: 9 Empowering Lessons
Not very long ago I loved someone who hurt me very much. I hurt for a long time — too long and almost lost myself within the pain. What I didn't know then was the abundance of lessons I was in store for; all of which would aid in my journey of self-discovery and restore my faith in the virtue of people.
Heartbreak like love burns its way through our bodies like an uncontained wildfire. It’s all-consuming and unforeseeable simmer can linger in our hearts, souls, and bellies in perpetuity. Heartbreak opens vaults of unfelt emotions meant to be kept locked away. Heartbreak is hell but it’s also heaven. It’s the afterlife of one period and the freedom to start another.
Healing is what happens in the interim. John Lyly said, “All is fair in love and war.” There are no rules to heartbreak and the road to self-compassion and forgiveness is an unfair one. We will say and do things outside of ourselves. There will be good days and there will be bad ones. No person, book, or article can tell you how to heal in your way. But it’s important you do because the person waiting in the ashes is another more powerful version of you.
Board the train inward — responsibility and self-compassion rarely interlace. Take a moment to reflect on your role in the situation. Whether you contributed or tolerated, it’s important to take accountability without disparaging yourself. If you hurt someone, do everything you can to show them how sorry you are. If you were the one hurt, remember that no one deserves to be mistreated. In the end, the lifespan of any relationship takes two people. You can only continue to improve from what you know.
Sustain your self-worth — your value is not defined by how others treat you. That said, how people treat you is a reflection of how they think about themselves. With this idea in mind, self-compassion is a requisite when healing from heartbreak. In your life, true and healthy relationships will exhibit and not define the best parts about you. As hard as it may be, try to remember who you are or who you have desired to be. Put this image of yourself in front of you and start moving towards it.
The journey is yours alone — In Homer’s Odyssey, Odysseus flees the island of Olgygia after seven years of captivity before Poseidon destroys his raft ultimately leaving him stranded on another island. He’s continually tested and aided by characters in the story and despite all of this, it’s a journey he faces alone. This is a story of trials and tribulations and one that can be compared to the hurt we face in life. One of the most painful things to acknowledge is that although we are never really alone, we are responsible for our life choices and above all, our well being.
Ask for help — misery will tell us to barricade ourselves away but our hearts long for healing. Surround yourself with those who will listen, support, and guide you back to love. The ones who will fill your soul with comfort and take your hand and pull you up when you fall. Indulge in things that make you feel alive. Pray, meditate, cry, and ask for help. Be uncomfortable with all the emotions coming to the surface and know that you’re not alone. There will always be someone to comfort you.
Hope is not lost — trust, strength, respect, vitality, and connection live within other people who love you. Continue to be that person for other people. There’s no hope lost with heartbreak but you have to believe it. There is a person you’re destined to love who also dreams of you. Pray to keep them safe on their journey to you.
Move your energy — you’re not a hateful person for hating someone who hurt you. At the root of hate is hurt and while it can be difficult to sit with it, it’s important you do. Your vitality will embed itself into your reality.
You are your home — we lose ourselves in the tranquility of dependence. Our partners become home because they provide safety, stability, and support. Home is a safe haven and when that’s removed it compromises our happiness. Staying connected to what makes you inwardly feel happy and safe by spending time alone, working on projects that instill confidence, and being comfortable in the unconformability will strengthen you over time.
Succeed or survive — dreams are buried deep beneath fear. Run, don’t walk towards your dreams. Get the job, hold out for the ideal partner, learn the second language, take the trip, buy the house, move to the new city. Do big things, take chances, and work hard for yourself. Through hard work and good intentions, only good things can manifest.
Let it go with love — to forgive is to be free and to let go is to love. Through pain we experience humility and with time we start to empathize with our pasts. We are beholden to those that once loved us so our relationships cease to die. They live on forever in our memories.
